Learning, The Hard Way

Today I broke down in front of the Psych resident buddy assigned to me. I didn't mean to cry, but then she noticed tears were gradually welling up in my eyes and asked why I was crying. Hala, ang luha hindi na umatras. (If you want me to cry, just comment on my glassy eyes. It never fails.)

Ang dami ko kasing naging kapalpakan.Hindi ko na nga natapos kunin ang history ng follow-up patient ni Ma'am (dahil habang nagsisimula pa lang kami sa OPD pinalipat kami sa Ward 7 at dun na lang daw sya titingnan ni Ma'am, na medyo naghahabol ng oras dahil may activity pa sya with the interns), mali at unfounded pa ang diagnosis ko sa pasyente (akala ko schizophrenic, bipolar pala. hay buhay). At hindi ko na na-resume ang pag-interview sa kanya dahil pinauwi na sya ni Ma'am. With that out of the way dahil wala na rin kaming pag-uusapan, I just offered to report the information I gathered from the schizophrenic patient I interviewed yesterday. Ok na sana ang history ko, pero meron akong mga kulang na info na walang excuse para hindi ko matanong during the interview. When she quizzed me about Schizophrenia, nasagot ko naman ang ilang tanong, pero meron ding mga hindi ko maalala. Ang dating sa kanya, hindi ako nag-aral. Pero nagbasa naman ako eh... hindi ko lang maalala lahat ng diagnostic criteria.=/

So much for wanting to be excellent in this benign-looking-but-demanding rotation. [Day 1 pa lang nabura na ang aming pre-conceived notion na benign ang Psych.] I was disappointed and frustrated with myself for such a performance. I was asking the Lord to help me be excellent, but could I still have relied on my own strength and (limited) capacity that's why I ended up like this today?

(Because i'm running out of time i'll finish this entry tomorrow, with what I learned from the experience...)